to the abandoned
elizabeth gentry
Oh you abandoned one,
I see you.
I see you sitting at the foot of the tub, staring blankly at the shower walls that threaten to encase you, tears held back only by righteous pride and fear of being vulnerable— I see you.
Oh daughter that has been orphaned, both by death and by choice, I hear you.
I hear the muffled sobs of your pain being released into the unforgiving wind each time a person walks out of your life. I hear the tears as they fall to a ground that rebukes their importance. I hear the sighs of broken-heartedness as it swallows you once more— I hear you.
Oh Beloved Rose of Sharon that has wilted in the cruel winters of people’s cold hearts, I know you.
People have robbed you. They have stolen from you. They have taken your joy.
In their hurt, they have hurt you.
They were broken and in their brokenness, they broke you and blamed you as the cause.
Daughter, if you hear nothing else, hear this:
It was not your fault.
It was not your fault.
It was not your fault.
I know that your logic defies that. I understand that people have lorded that statement of guilt over you when they have walked away. I know that you’ve been abused and abandoned by people who blamed you instead of blaming themselves, and I’m sorry.
I know and I understand that it’s hard for you to believe, but it was truly never your fault.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not your fault, because you don’t make people’s decisions for them.
It’s not your fault because the weight of the sin of the world is not yours to carry.
Daughter, you didn’t choose this.
“They made me” statements cloud your trauma but they are not based in truth. We are all responsible for making our own decisions. You did not make them leave. You did not force them to give up. They chose to walk away, and by doing so, they chose to walk away from My greatest blessing.
You are My greatest blessing.
You should not be punished for other people’s shortcomings. You should not be held accountable for the iniquities of those who have failed to see your value and failed to believe in who you are. You shouldn’t be held responsible, but every time that someone has walked away, you felt like you were.
I am so sorry that they walked away. I am sorry that they didn’t stay. I am sorry that they promised forever and only delivered a day. You are worth so much more.
You are not the mistakes you have made or the failures that you’ve lived. You are not the names that you have been called— those aren’t you.
You are not an orphan.
You are not too hard to love.
You are not too much to love.
You are not a failure.
You are not a loser.
You are not a mistake and you don’t deserve the life that you’ve lived or the abuse that you’ve suffered.
You didn’t deserve it.
You never could.
Loving you isn’t a burden— loving you is a BLESSING.
Loving you is a privilege.
It’s not your fault that they couldn’t see it— and it’s not forever.
This period of abandonment, of loss, of rejection: it’s not forever.
One day, you’ll have a family. One day, you’ll have a place. One day, you’ll have a husband who treats you like you deserve to be treated and family that loves you in a way that is healing. One day, you’ll have children who appreciate you and the time that they have with you, and one day, you’ll be free of the pain that you’re feeling right now.
The reason that you feel pain when people leave is because, at you core, you were created for perfect community. If you lived in a perfect community, people would still come and go as life carried them into new and exciting adventures, but there wouldn’t be the pain that comes with permanent separation. This life hurts because people often exchange distance for separation, robbing the joy from the process of growing and walking in new opportunities.
But sweet, sweet child, please know that every interaction in life holds meaning and purpose, even if people don’t stay. The pain that you feel stems from the longing for the forever love that I possess and the forever sense of connection found in heaven.
You are not abandoned.
You are not abandoned, because I have never abandoned you.
I am sorry for the times when that didn’t feel like enough.
I’m sorry for the people who have used “love” as an excuse to abuse you. I am sorry for those who have used My name to dispel you as if you were too far from the reach of My Grace or My desire.
I am sorry for the familiar sting that steals the breath from your lungs when you hear those words of separation, divorce, and distance.
It’s not you.
It’s not your weight. It’s not the way you look. It’s not your personality or your sense of humor or your quirks. It’s not your past. They chose to leave because of their problems, not because of yours.
Not because of yours.
When I look at you, I don’t see what they see.
I don’t see broken, difficult, unwieldy. I don’t see a task to be done or an obligation to be filled. Listening to you never gets old. You are not a handful to Me. You are not too much.
I see you. Infallible in the face of opposition, tenacious in trials, and fighting to stand up again despite being knocked down so often.
I see you.
I see you and I want you.
I am sorry that the church has given up on you.
A person leaving says more about who they are than it does about who you are.
I am sorry that they walked away, but know that I never will.
That has lost its meaning to you, but it will never lose its meaning to Me.
People have traversed in and out of you life, declaring their love and then leaving you crippled on the cold tile floor when they leave.
They do not understand the fullness of love yet. They do not know the importance of having you yet. They have missed the part of My love that is you.
You are part of My heart, and because of that, you are part of My love.
What you have, only you possess.
No one else can replace you.
I know that no one can, so I will not ever leave in an effort to find someone who will.
You are the only you.
I created you in fullness and in perfection.
I will never abandon you for another love, because you are My only love.
I will never walk away in tire of the cost it takes to love you, because loving you is not about resources: it’s about privilege.
I will never give up on you because I cannot give up on you.
To deny you is to to deny Me— you are as much a part of Me as My arm or My leg or My eye is. How could I deny Myself, Myself?
So beloved, wanted, daughter, rise up in truth and straighten your stance in hope.
If I, Creator and manager of the universe want you, how much more will My creation beg to even know your name?
These feelings of abandonment are real— just as they are really coming to an end.
You were made to rule nations, not to be rejected by naysayers.
Stand tall in who you are.
Beloved,
Sought-after,
Wanted,
Lover of Mine,
Stand.
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