Sin, shame, humility, and forgiveness— how can they all exist in the same story?

 

How is it that life never stops in respect to these things?

 

I listen to people for a living.  They have questions.  Sometimes, hearing their stories and listening to their wonderings leaves me with more questions than answers.

 

I hear a lot throughout the day, but so many questions and fears and traumas lead back to the same place:

 

How do you forgive and how do you forget?

 

When people hurt you, when people betray you, when people steal from you, how do you forgive them?  When you are at a loss and you know that the Lord wants you to forgive, but you don’t feel forgiveness yet, how do you overcome that and step into mercy and grace?

 

When life around you seems to fall apart, when people only ever seem to fall away, how do you forgive?

 

I have a lot of answers that I could give, but only one is always right:

 

Humility.

 

My answer is not haughty or religious.  I don’t believe in conjuring up forgiveness or forcing mercy.  Mercy is not mercy unless it is freely given.  Grace is not grace unless you choose for it to be graciously given.  Forgiveness is not forced.  It is thoughtfully gifted despite the cost.

 

So how, when you’ve been hurt, are you supposed to step out of anger and into forgiveness?

 

More than that, how are you supposed to step into forgiveness that isn’t forced?

 

Humility.

 

The answer to all your questions will always be humility.

 

Humility is God’s checkmate against satan.

 

Humility is what separates us from the world.

 

Humility is the master step that we can take in any given situation that will, one hundred percent of the time, lead to victory.

 

The question that begs to rest on our hearts is: “How do I forgive them?”

 

How do you forgive them?

 

How do you see their acts and their sins and choose to give them grace?  How do you look in the face of an aggressor and accept them?  How do you willing turn the other cheek?

 

The Bible teaches us that forgiveness is the goal but sometimes the church forgets to teach us that forgiveness is also a process.  Grace is a process, and sometimes there are many steps in that process.

 

There is a gray area when forgiveness is imminent but the desire to forgive is not yet evident.  There is a step in the process that is in between anger, hurt, and bitterness— and forgiveness.  That step is humility.

 

When you don’t have the power inside of you to forgive, find the power to humble yourself.

 

You may not understand why they did what they did, or why they didn’t do what they were supposed to do, but humility reminds us that we, too, have done the very same.

 

I might not have ever stolen from someone by breaking into their house, but by engaging in premarital sex, I actively robbed my future husband of the purity that he was supposed to receive from me.

 

I might not have ever abandoned or aborted my child, but every single time that I have given up on another person or walked away when things got difficult, I effectively abandoned someone else’s child and left them to fend for themselves.

 

I might not have ever committed murder, but by knowing the price that Jesus paid for me, by believing that He paid for my sins and my future in eternity, by knowing what I know and still choosing sin over righteousness, I actively nail my Savior to a cross and kill Him all over again.

 

Maybe we haven’t been exactly where our attackers have been, and maybe we haven’t done exactly what they have done to us, but at some point, or another, the Bible says that we have all sinned.

 

 

 

“For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.”

James 2:10

ESV

 

 

 

Our sins might look different to us, but they don’t look different to God.  Where we make justifications and excuses for what we have done and how it is different, God tells us that committing one sin is the same as committing all of them.

 

So how does that help us forgive?

 

How does knowing that we have been there, help us reach a point of humility that is necessary to move us into forgiveness?

 

For me, knowing that humility is the bridge between bitterness and forgiveness helps. 

 

Forgiveness is the act of taking someone’s sins against you, recognizing them, and deciding to show them mercy anyways.

 

Whereas humility is the act of taking some one’s sins against you, recognizing them, and understanding that Jesus sees your sins as the same and still He paid for them.

 

I know that forgiveness is the goal, but when I cannot reach it, humility is there to guide me home.

 

Humility doesn’t need to understand.  I don’t have to understand why someone is treating me a certain way to understand that I have treated others in similar ways.  I am humbled by who I have been and the change that has occurred in me since, and it motivates me to find grace for my offender.

 

The act of becoming humble isn’t an act of dismissing your feelings.  It doesn’t negate what was done or take away from your pain.  The act of becoming humble is simply a redirection.

 

When my heart is angry at someone for hurting me, bitterness tells me to focus on my pain, whereas humility tells me to look at them with understanding and grace and think of them first.

 

When I cannot forgive, because I am not ready to let go of the hurt just yet, I can humble myself, and ask how the other person is hurting.  I can find camaraderie in knowing that I, too, have made mistakes that have hurt others in the way that I’m hurting.

 

Be it gossiping or abandoning or slandering, I’ve done it.  My words have cut.  My actions have robbed.  My heart has neglected.  I have committed one sin, broken one law, and therefore, I have broken them all.

 

Forgiveness might seem out of reach, but humility is always immediately attainable.

 

If you cannot find the strength to let it go and show mercy yet, that’s ok.  There is grace for you in the process.  You might not be there yet but keep fighting to get there.  Use humility— know that there is grace for you in this, and that because there is grace for you, there’s grace for whoever has sinned against you— and keep moving forward.

 

Bridge the gap with humility.  Whether it was words spoken against you or actions committed against you, no matter the level of hurt or pain, use humility as a tool of understanding and of grace.  Use it to help forgive the other person, but also use it to help yourself heal.

 

I’ve heard the phrase, “forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you,” float around, and I disagree.  It’s for both parties.  God didn’t forgive us just for Himself.  He forgave us for us as well.  When I forgive someone, it frees my heart, but it also frees the other person from the burden of my judgement.

 

When I show humility, it is for the other person.  When I humble myself, the other person is elevated and understood and recognized with grace.  But when I show humility, it’s also for me.  When I lower myself, I bring myself closer to Jesus.  When I humble my hurting heart, I choose healing over being right.

 

When I forgive, everyone wins.  Even when I can’t forgive just yet and all I can do is humble myself, everyone still wins.

 

Humility is truly the answer to all our problems.  It bridges brokenness and unforgiveness and distance.  It accentuates selflessness and dismisses selfishness.  It restores entire families and nations back to each other.  Humility births grace and freedom and truth and forgiveness.

 

So, I encourage you today to be humble.  When you cannot forgive, be humble.  When someone isn’t meeting your expectations, humble yourself.  When life is falling apart at the seams, be humble.  Humility in Jesus will solve all your problems.  It will right all your wrongs and it will free you from the wrongs committed against you.  Humility is the answer.  Choose humility today and every day for the rest of your life.